Posts Tagged ‘hospice’
Thursday, March 15th, 2012
Nature and children are the best teachers!
I was sitting in a window seat at a local SUBWAY owned by Kathy George, a business networking colleague. A larger size fly had unfortunately gotten drawn in and trapped indoors. The fly was frantically, trying to figure out WHY it couldn’t FLY AWAY as it walked, buzzed, flitted around the full, glass window.
It fell onto its back and frantically buzzed, on the window ledge next to me. I felt badly, for it. I gave it a couple nudges to help get it upright and it jumped back onto the window. Once again, not realizing freedom was on the other side.
I had an AH! HA! moment a few years back at age 49. I went from FEARING insects to appreciating life in ALL its forms of expression. I wanted to give this fly the FREEDOM to live out its life outside, instead of walking in a confused state, up and down the window. I tried 3 times to get it to fall into an empty Chip Bag I had on my table. But, it caused the fly to panic more, buzz excitedly. I wanted to put it in the bag and take it to the door to let it fly free. I decided to let it go, rather than to cause it more stress.
I asked myself. WHAT am I learning from this? The window with light streaming through, showing the outside – is a FALSE REALITY? Do I need to change my view of things and situations in life? I then thought, ‘things aren’t always as they seem’. The fly was teaching me a lesson. If the fly could just let go of the notion that this light, view was its way to move forward, it could fly around and possibly end up outside, next time someone entered.
The next day, I went to the same location for lunch, taking a seat in the same spot. I looked down and to the left and my friend, the fly, was dead. I felt deeply for this life/soul that hadn’t gotten to enjoy the great outdoors, finishing its life frantically walking up and down a FALSE REALITY of light streeming through the window glass.
I mourned the death of this fly, as I sat there, and blessed its soul for having lived and taught me a valuable lesson.
Then, a mother and her little toddler girl came walking across the parking lot to enter the SUBWAY. The little girl had on cute, pink, basketball sneakers. As they entered, I announced with a SMILE – I LOVE YOUR SNEAKERS! The mother said to the little girl: ‘What do you say?’ The little girl said: THANK YOU! Then she said to me: ‘THE SUN IS AWAKE!’ (It was in toddler talk, so she repeated it a couple times and the mom helped me to translate.)
The little girl was very excited about telling me that the sun was shining, the rain was gone from the day before, and it was a beautiful, sunshiny day. So after she repeated THE SUN IS AWAKE several times, she then noted: The MOON WAS ASLEEP! Yes, she repeated this several times!
I smiled, thanked her for the wonderful information she had given me, and said: I BET YOU’LL MAKE A GREAT WEATHER FORECASTER or ASTRONOMER when you grow up! The mom thanked me and smiled.
I then sat there AH! MAZED! Like the FLY, the little toddler girl was giving me the same message: ‘THINGS AREN’T ALWAYS AS THEY SEEM!’ No, the sun wasn’t awake and the moon wasn’t asleep, but in HER EYES, that’s how it seemed.
I say I am an OUTLOOK SHIFT ENGINEER, because I’ve learned to look at LIFE and its SITUATIONS with a PHresh (Fresh) Outlook! Feeling down, feeling blue, how does the WORLD LOOK TO YOU? It’s my constant message to myself and others. It’s ALL in HOW you LOOK at it!
I had been feeling frustrated with my condominium not selling, my finances on a tight leash, and working 3 flexible, parttime jobs. My oldest sister Dolly in a nursing home at an early age due to being hit by a drunk driver at age 21 – permanently brain damaged (now 64); and not being respected. My mom in hospice, frustrated with her situation. But the people I’m meeting and the experiences I’m having on this journey are very interesting. If this life experience, seeming like terrible struggles to me at the moment, wouldn’t be happening; I would have met the people I have gotten the chance to meet and possibly help.
It’s all helped me to see LIFE with a PHresh Outlook.
So I sit in humble appreciation for the message from THE FLY and the Little Toddler Girl – that now allows me to FLY FREE!
Ha Ha Helen Szollosy of LAFOLOT.COM
Live Life! Laugh Often!
Look Out! It’s Life! From a PHresh Outlook!
Thursday, February 2nd, 2012
SUNSET & EVENING Star – I was showing my mom the beautiful sunset outside her Rehab/Hospice room window last evening. She said: ‘Sunset and Morning Star … a good time to die’ … I searched the words on the net and found this Alfred, Lord Tennyson poem. I think this is what she was referencing.
Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For tho’ from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.
MEMORIZED Childhood memories carry with us into our twilight years. I’ve found this when doing laughter wellness programs for dimentia units. I just focus on their MEMORIZED Childhood rhymes and they ‘flow and glow’ right along with me! NO STRESS!
A doctor told my mom she had 3 hours to 3 days to live, A YEAR AND A MONTH ago. Gotta laugh! It all worked out, because she was clearheaded and able to make all her requests and plans – one being that she go into Hospice. She tends to ask – what am I doing in here? When I refresh her memory – we have a good chuckle over DOCTORS! *What do THEY know! EveryBODY doesn’t follow what is ‘BOOK-LEARNED’. LOL!
She can chuckle, because she was a nurse trained around World War 2. A tough cookie, with a sense of humor, who always wanted to be the next Shirley Temple! She always talked about the fact that ‘others would stay away’ from the hospital residents that were dying … but she chose to sit with them. She wasn’t afraid of death.
So it’s easy to visit, because she knows and feels death is a part of life – and in the end – you JUST GOTTA LAUGH at the way it flirts with you and says … nope – NOT YET! … you’ve got another SUNSET!
Ha Ha Helen of LAFOLOT.com
Outlook Shift Engineer! Hear! Here!
… looking at LIFE and DEATH … as ALL A PART OF LIFE! … same thing … just like the tides … in and out …a process…
I think we need to find a LESS MESSY way to BIRTH into this world and MAKE OUR STAGE EXIT … maybe if we put the question out on Facebook? *ba dump bump …
Sunday, January 23rd, 2011
I chose to have a day of GRATITUDE!
I stated, recently, “I need to move forward in the alphabet and move from ‘F’ear to ‘Gratitude’ resulting in ‘H’appiness … ‘I’ say!”
Well! it’s been hellish dealing with family challenges these last 2 and 1/2 years (and prior – but it’s all growth opportunity!). The past two years, my brain damaged sister Dolly (hit by a drunk driver at age 19 – now 63) started to fail. I became her Power of Atty and worked with other family members – dealing with hospitals, vacating an apartment she had (what a mess), more hospitals, doctors, social workers, etc etc etc. Then my mom – the last 8 years – but more recently – failing fast. The last month – hospitals, rehab, vacating an apartment, moving her to assisted living, back in the hospital, rehab, hospital and now hospice. Now, vacating both the apartment (finalizing that) and vacating the assisted living. WHEN WILL IT STOP!? Is what you want to scream at times – but you keep on going!
Thank God for my 12 Step Program background, one on one and group counseling, self-help and Ah! Ha! moments! GRATITUDE and recognition of growth amidst it all is a blessing.
Well, while walking out of my mom’s apartment where I had just finished helping my younger sister finalize the cleaning. I was walking across the parking lot and this is what I saw! LIVE LIFE! LAUGH OFTEN! (www.LAFOLOT.com) on the back of a BIG, SHINY, NEW, YELLOW PICK-UP TRUCK parked next to space number 21! (that’s my birthday in February).
Moments before, I ran into a resident at the Assisted Living building. I complimented her on her RED jacket, telling her it was HER COLOR! She said: When’s your birthday? I said: the 21st of next month. She said: Mine’s the 22nd! George Washington’s Birthday! WHAT A COINCIDENCE!
Was an ANGEL sent to put a smile on my face?
Then to see the bright, black and yellow magnetic bumper display for my motto and business on the bright yellow truck! WHAT A GIFT!
WHY? Because I had taken it off my mom’s refrigerator and placed it in the low income apartment housing’s social room for WHOEVER to take. I figured it would end up on someone’s refrigerator – not giving me advertising – but at least making someone happy.
WELL! I COULD HAVE CRIED TEARS OF JOY! It’s been tough – letting go EARLY of a very lucrative State Government job due to stress of dealing with my sister’s needs. It’s been tough trying to get my business off the ground.
Then, to see where my business advertising bumper display had ended up!
I have to shake my head in AH! MAZE-MENT! It’s truly a W.O.W.!!! World of Wonder!
BIG THANK YOU OF GRATITUDE for whoever is ‘looking out for me out there.’
Highlighted Ha Ha Helen Szollosy of LAFOLOT.com
LIVE LIFE! LAUGH OFTEN!
Wednesday, July 14th, 2010
I have been having a lot of people share with me lately:
1) I was sitting at a funeral for my mother. They started to play a church song that my mom, disliked. They reached one particular line that she especially hated – I BURST OUT LAUGHING!
2) I was in a very serious situation, I had not been dealing with it well, it’s not a situation where you would normally laugh; and I BURST OUT LAUGHING!
3) I was working on a mechanical problem, lying flat on my face, trying to unscrew a difficult nut and bolt and, suddenly, I BURST OUT LAUGHING UNCONROLLABLY!
As a trained, certified laughter leader – I am required to keep abreast of new studies on laughter and smiling benefits and impacts on the body and mind. I also do a lot of my own observations and testing when I am out and about in public. When I give my laughter wellness talks or motivational-inspirational speaking, I share information and experiences people have shared with me.
When my father was dying, I was blessed with being with him at his last coule breaths. I was also blessed to be from a large family. My mother or other siblings would be with him, at the hospital, during the day; then I would come in the evening. My dad LOVED to joke around, clown around, with kids as well as adults. He had his standard set of jokes. When a non-denominational minister came into intensive care to visit, she started out serious and my dad made a joke. She was so focused on the ‘Here’s a dying man with a family member, I better show respect…’ she didn’t realized he had joked with her. I let her know he was joking. She stopped and looked at me. I said, my dad loves to joke around, and I smiled. ‘WELL THEN, SHE SAID! I CAN STAY RIGHT IN THERE WITH THE BEST OF THEM!’ The rest of her visit was LITE and FLUFFY and my dad had a smile on his face at the end of her visit, giving her a thank you.
When my dad passed on, I went to tell the nurses. They were ready to console me. I said, ‘Oh No! I’m great! It was wonderful to be here, see him let go so peacefully.’ We started to talk about a funny fishing story where my dad had put a safety pin on the end of a string so I could FISH at the canal near our home. We were laughing out loud when my mother arrived. She was also at peace that he had been able to let go and pass on peacefully.
EVERYONE GRIEVES and LETS GO of their own life and of their loved one’s lives in a different way.
I have had more and more people tell me how they laugh and smile when they MISS and GRIEVE their loved ones. I have a minister friend tell me a woman said to her: ‘IF YOU’RE HERE TO HELP ME DIE, DON’T LET THE DOOR HIT YOU IN THE A** ON THE WAY OUT! IF YOU’RE HERE TO HELP ME ENJOY LIFE WHILE I’M STILL BREATHING, COME ON IN AND PULL UP A CHAIR!’
I had a representative of a Hospice, at a networking event, tell me yesterday (when I was at the event wearing my tinsel deely bobber headband): ‘YOU CAN’T WEAR THOSE AT THE HOSPICE!’ I was instantly shocked. I told her the story I noted above.
I respect everyone’s wishes and beliefs in grieving. Everyone’s wishes and beliefs are different and personal. I know MANY people that would be THRILLED to have me show up wearing Tinsel Deely Bobber Headbands if they were wanting to LET GO LITELY!
I heard of a family who lost their mentally/physically disabled son. They had a PARTY with BALLOONS at his viewing! Why? Because he LOVED PARTIES and BALLOONS! I wore PINK to a friend’s husbands funeral. He was a FUN LOVING FAMILY MAN and HUSBAND! He was KIND and CARING and FULL OF LIFE! He knew how to make you feel better when you were down, just by a kind word. I celebrated his LITENESS by wearing a LITE, BRIGHT COLOR to his funeral.
As for me – I want to LET GO LITELY and be seen with a SMILE on my face as I’m going to my next exciting adventure!
It’s OKAY to LAUGH at a funeral. Laughter isn’t all about responding to a joke. It’s OKAY to SMILE at a funeral. I tell people all the time – GRIEVING sometimes gets STUCK inside your body. Sometimes – planting a SMILE on your face or OPENING your MOUTH and LAUGHING allows the STUCK GRIEVING FEELINGS to SPILL OUT! I have had this happen to me on many occassions. When I feel STUCK – I open my mouth in a grin and sometimes start a tone to help my body let out, whatever it needs to process. Some cultures call this WHALING. It’s a healthy thing, to LET IT OUT and LET IT GO LITELY.
It may not be for everyone, but for those that wish – it should be allowed.
One of my favorite writings is by S.H. Payer: ‘Live each day to the fullest… be yourself, but be your best self… look forward with confidence and back without regrets…’
Another writer I like is: Don Miguel Ruiz who notes: Each day do you best. Each day your best is different, based on how you are feeling. So there are no regrets, because you are always doing your best.
If you need to LAUGH, laugh. If you need to CRY, cry. If you need to make a crack in your face with a smile to start a process, do it. No regrets – it’s your way of processing your feelings.
LIVE LIFE! LAUGH OFTEN! until your breath stops -
May you live till you LET GO LITELY with a smile on your face –
May you have the chance to make all your amends, forgive freely and know that you have done your best – and when you are ready to LET GO – LET GO LIGHTLY in the brightest of light with that smile emanating even after your spirit has left your body.
…with peace and a smile Ha Ha Helen Szollosy of LAFOLOT
Live Life in A-MAZE-MENT and make them wonder WHY you were smiling when you left.
[this blog can also be seen at VIBRANT NATION under blogger name: Helenoflafolot]