Just having bought a modular home that still needed to be inspected; I was given a master key for the ‘basic’ door handle lock so I could move some small items into the home.

Being used to dead bolt locks, I accidentally turned the inside lock on the handle, shut the door behind me and locked my car and house keys in the new home! Problem is, it was 6:30am on on a Friday. I ‘did’ have an extra set of car keys with me, thank goodness!

The BIG PROBLEM WAS – I am a menopausal woman over 50 who takes a blood pressure pill with a water pill in it – enough said? If no, let me tell you, a bathroom trip is required every 5 minutes, when it is first taken!

In my defense, I was exhausted from moving. I had slept on the floor the night before, so I could be ready for the movers with my bed disassembled. I THOUGHT I was thinking clearing and had made every effort to make sure I had everything before I left the modular home. I wanted to go over to my old condo to do some final cleaning early in the morning. I was really PISSED OFF – I guess I should use a different word – HA HA – because I was now stuck.

It was 6:30am and I didn’t want to wake anyone.
It was the day after a heavy rain, so there was a steady DRIP DRIP coming down from the roof rain gutter onto my head as I tried to work on the door.
I had heard you could use a credit card to open a basic door know lock.

I didn’t use my credit card, but I had some club cards I wasn’t using that were expendable.
Everytime I tried to insert the plastic card, I would get HIT with a wet SPLAT on my head.
After 5 minutes of no luck, I was soaked on one side of the head! HA HA

I had MANAGED to get the door to BUDGE a bit, but I realized later, I was just too timid.
I had to RUSH to my car and drive to the nearest McDONALDS to use their bathroom. It was a TRUE EMERGENCY!
I then sat in one of the booths in the back to gather my thoughts.
I tried calling a younger sister to see if she had a spare key to my old condo, so I could meet her at work and pick it up – but no, she didn’t.
While I was waiting, one man was having a breakfast meeting with another man and giving him spiritual advice on job loss, his marital relationship, etc. I figured, what the heck, I just listened.

I got the thought to MAKE ANOTHER EFFORT at the door. He was being given the advice ‘Faith without works, is dead.’ At least that’s what I heard.

I went back to THE SCENE OF THE CRIME and met a couple neighbors who gave me contact numbers for other possible people with the master key. I couldn’t get ahold of anyone.

I went back to my new home door –
I got out my OLLIE – GOOD STUFF CHEAP CLUB CARD and tried again.

I guess I was NOW CONFIDENT and DETERMINED!

When I finally got it slipped into the door and felt the door budge – I THREW THE FULL WEIGHT OF MY OVERWEIGHT, MENOPAUSAL, WATER PILL – GOTTA GOOOOOOOO Body into the door and it opened!

*PFEW! I flew to the bathroom! (first things first!) Then I was able to go about my day.

So, I am here to testify:

YES, I broke into my own home, using a plastic bonus club card.

Here’s the lesson – NEVER MESS WITH A MENOPAUSAL WOMAN ON A BLOOD PRESSURE WITH WATER PILL COMBINATION!

Also – always lock your deadbolt and don’t rely on the door handle lock.

Ha Ha Helen Szollosy of LAFOLOT
Living Life! and Laughing Often!
Thank God I’m smart enough NOT to take this as a lesson to pursue a life of crime!
Amen.