LAFOLOT

Coming from a background of social awkwardness; to learning how to socialize in a healthy way through 12 Step Programs and counseling; evolving into a strong, independent, self-assured, motivational speaker, business owner, etc. – I was thrilled, when I offered one of my ‘marketing stress reliever pinwheels’ to a woman and she chose to say ‘no’.

Not that it matters, she appeared to be from mid-Eastern background. Being a 3rd generation Hungarian-American, I can understand cultural guidelines.

So, when she responded ‘no’, I smiled – withdrew the offer. I said, ‘I’m a laughter yoga’ instructor – I use these to teach people how to take a deep breath and release it – while having fun with the pinwheel.’ I said, ‘It’s actually not a toy.’ She smiled.

I went to pay my bill, the woman’s food was ready. She saw me laughing and joking with the owner, since I know them well. She looked to me and ‘APOLOGIZED!’ I said: ‘Oh No! It’s quite alright to say ‘no’!’ It’s a very HEALTHY thing to do! [I learned that 'no' is an okay announce, and NO explanation is needed as a follow-up!]
I’m glad you felt comfortable telling me ‘no’. She smiled and thanked me. I said: ‘There is NO GUILT involved in not accepting an offer from me!’ She laughed!

So, KUDOS, to this wonderful, self-assured woman who felt comfortable in responding with a ‘healthy no’ – with no explanation, needed.

HOORAY!
Ha Ha Helen of LAFOLOT
WWW.LAFOLOT.COM

Being Ha Ha Helen, I often get the opportunity to ‘put my foot in my mouth’ on a daily basis!
This is also an example of how I don’t allow anything to stop me from talking to people I encounter when I’m out and about.

In keeping in line with my ‘Life is a Song in the Key of Love’ book, I practice what I preach. I openly approach people and talk to them, if I want to educate myself.

So, I went to my favoritie Thai Palace restaurant, for lunch. The restaurant wasn’t that crowded. I had set an intention to give ‘compliments’ to people, today. I encountered a woman sitting at a table and let her know the bright pink jacket she was wearing was beautiful! She thanked me and ended up wearing a beautiful smile with the jacket!

I then got to sit in one of my favorite booths, near a window with bright sunshine pouring in! Ahhh, feel the warmth! I was content. One of my favorite servers Heli, who happens to be from Indonesia, came back to take my order. Having talked to Heli quite a bit, I learned she is from Indonesia, is Budhist and is traveling back to Indonesia this Sunday, February 21, 2010 – due to the family going back to support a sick Aunt. I learned the family is very tight and supportive, because Heli had to give up finishing her last college class to make this trip. She will take the course after a year, when they return. The trip from Harrisburg, PA to Indonesia will be 24 hours long!

So, since we have had very cold weather and 2 major snow storms over the past two week, I openly asked Heli if the weather in Indonesia is warm? She noted it is warm there all the time. I told her I knew she’d be happy about that, because the cold and snow have really gotten to her!

As a result of our open conversation, a woman sitting with her husband at a booth two seats away from me joined in. Heli went to get my drink and the woman said: ‘Wow! Indonesia!’ Being Ha Ha Helen, I took the opportunity to pick up a conversation with them. I asked if they knew Heli was from Indonesia, they said they hadn’t know that.

I noticed the woman’s head was shaved. This is where I began to learn a valuable lesson, don’t make assumptions. Being a very empathetic person, and a teacher of Laughter Yoga/Wellness, I wanted to do something for the woman. I AUTOMATICALLY ASSUMED the woman was going through chemotherapy treatments or something of that sort. I knew I had some LAFOLOT supplies in my car, so I ran out to my Subaru Outback back hatch and put together a LAFOLOT FUN KIT! I wanted this woman to have ‘stess reliever pinwheels’, a ‘cheering flag’, a Live Life! Laugh Often! t-shirt, a ‘Live Life! Laugh Often!’ magnetic bumper display, etc etc. I wanted to give her all I could to help heal her through her challenge.

So – open mouth insert foot! I walk up to their table with my LAFOLOT Fun Kit and say: ‘Forgive my boldness, but are you going through chemotherapy?’ She responded: ‘No’ but that’s OK. I said: ‘Oh! Well! In that case, I teach laughter wellness and was going to give you this fun kit to help you through it all; but since you’re not – you may as well take it anyway!’ ha ha She laughed and smiled! She said: ‘SURE!’ I started to pull the stuff out and show her what she could do with all the items. She was THRILLED with her UNEXPECTED, SURPRISE GIFT!

So, being used to making a fool of myself, I just went back to my booth. I called over, “It’s like Christmas all over again!” She said: ‘Yes! It’s great!’ I said: ‘I teach the gift is in the giving, so if you want to pass any of it on, go right ahead!’ She said: ‘Can I contact you via your website?’ I said: ‘Yes!’

A few seconds later, she slightly turned back towards me in her booth seat and said: ‘I’m Budhist, by the way!’ I said, ‘Wow! Isn’t that great? This could be a great promotional slogan: Be Budhist, Get A Gift!’ She turned, and laughed, agreeing with me!
I told her it kinda reminded me of the ‘smiling Budha’s I have seen. She agreed.

So, it never hurts to just be open and ASK! Never know what it will get you. As a result of allowing myself to come across a bit foolish, I made her day with a LAFOLOT Fun Kit! I learned not to jump to conclusions just because someone has a shaved head, and – as a result! Here’s the great part! As she was leaving, she came back to me and gave me her business card. She is a newly established photographer: AMIDA Photography – Celebrating the Light [www.amidaphotography.com] She offered, in exhange for the fun kit I gave her, to take a complimentary business photograph of me!

How great is that! Be the type of person that openly approaches people and hands out gifts? Get a complimentary photograph. Be Budhist and sport a shaved head; get a gift! The other wonderful thing is, I got to practice the ‘Steve Wilson Principles of Good Hearted Living’ – Compliments and Forgiveness. I got to forgive myself, and being Budhist Amida openly accepted me ‘just as I was’ and SHE RECEIVED A GIFT! Talk about the practice of ‘being mindful and living in the present!’ I think she has it down pat!

So, as I discuss in my laughter yoga/wellness program; as well as in my book ‘Life is a Song in the Key of Love’ – open up and communicate. You never know what you’ll learn about someone. It may be awkward at first; but with good intentions, it all works out in the end!

Namaste’
Live Life! Laugh Often!
Ha Ha Helen of LAFOLOT …living in the moment
a.k.a. Highlighted Helen living BOLD and in Italics!

We experience,
We create,
We Teach, and
We Share
Prejudice and Intolerance.
We have the power to:
Overcome the experience,
Relook at the experience,
Educate ourselves, and
Share what we’ve learned
about overcoming
prejudice and intolerance
to
MAKE LIFE A SONG!
By: Helen Marie Szollosy

BRIEF DESCRIPTION OF BOOK

Life Is A Song in the Key of Love was a book conceived over 8 years ago, while writing a list of goals during a New Year’s Day workshop. The original title that came to mind was, ‘Growing Up with the Embarrassment of Prejudice.’ Much research was completed, but the book was never started due to it appearing negative, and possibly harmful to those involved in the scenarios presented.

It is meant to be an autobiographical, philosophical discussion on personal experiences relating to intolerance, prejudice, labeling and sterotyping as seen from the author’s childhood, onward. It is meant to show how we may not feel the hate, prejudice and intolerance, but we learn it in a state of being unaware.

Then, in the year 2008, the author realized a song she had learned while developing her singing voice could take the book in a positive direction! Excitedly, the author dove into completing the book in relation to paralleling moving away from prejudice and intolerance by looking at Life As A Song!

It is hoped that this book may be used to cause people to search within for any intolerance and prejudice and aid in open discussions to help the world heal from hate, prejudice and hurt. In appreciation of Joe Young, who wrote these beautiful words: “Life is a song, let’s sing it together, let’s take our hearts, and dip them in rhyme.”

Special Note: Make the world a better place; join my smile campaign. See how many people of all beliefs, backgrounds, etc. you can make smile, just by looking in their direction, and GIVING them a smile. It’s free and it brightens someone’s day,
you can’t beat that! It also opens you to meeting some really interesting people. You never know what you’ll learn! Helen

Why the whispers?

I wrote a book called: “Life is a Song in the Key of Love OR Growing Up With the Embarrassment of Prejudice” ISBN 978-0-578-00690-1 (LCCN 2009901580). It is an autobiographical/philosophical discussion about acting out in prejudice or bias ways without actually FEELING the prejudice and bias. The book is meant to make us self-aware of whether our actions truly reflect our feelings; or are we just mimicking learned behavior? The book evolves into seeing the beauty of ALL life in ALL its forms of expression. To become in AWE of it ALL!

I see and hear continued comments of hate and confusion in regards to prejudice and bias. I felt the need to share the following to note that we can’t fight hate WITH hate. I feel the need to become AWARE of the SOURCE of our feelings; love ourselves and get to know one another in an open, honest way to remove pre-conceived notions learned and passed on. Below is an example of the confusing actions we show due to our lack of awareness in day to day life, relating to bias, prejudice and stereotype.

I was sitting in a restaurant having lunch, yesterday. There were two women and two men having lunch at a round table just behind me and to the right. At one point, discussion came to the cost of an Assisted Living Center where the one woman worked. She noted that the rate was so high priced she didn’t know how people could afford it. Then, she noted, even though it isn’t a Jewish (whispered) home, there are mainly Jewish (whispered) people there. I guess they are the only ones that can afford it? What assumptions was she making? I’m not Jewish, but I heard her clearly as well as others in the restaurant did, even though she whispered.

Years ago, I was on a bus with some co-workers, during our lunch period. There was a shuttle that took us from our downtown workplace to city restaurants. At one point, my one friend was telling a story about a black (whispered) woman at work. It was just a basic story with no emotion, about a basic work experience. The racial reference didn’t need to be made, it just was, with no malice.

Why do we WHISPER when talking about Cultures, Religious Creeds, Races, Lifestyle Choices, etc? The ridiculous thing is that the WHISPERING can actually be heard louder than a normal vocal tone. Plus, if the whisper isn’t heard, it leaves such a LOUD GAP in the conversation, that anyone around can tell there is a SECRET occurring!

Are we carrying guilt, fear, confusion? Why does pointing out a person’s physical attributes in a crowd, to make it easier to point out a friend, cause a whisper of their nature or preference? I had this discussion with an African-American friend of mine.

I recall a story of an Aunt of mine being referred to as ‘that fat girl over there’ by her mother, when someone at a picnic asked where her daughter was in the crowd. Depending on how a physical attribute is used or reference, can be quite hurtful.

I was watching one of the first episodes of SURVIVOR, a television show. The contestants are diverse. At first meeting, they are placed on the beach and asked to write down who they feel should be the leader of each tribe. I was curious to see how they would describe one another, not knowing each other’s names. Not one person noted race or culture as they described who they chose. Even though there was a dark skinned man, woman, Asian-looking woman, etc. – descriptions were made of clothes or hairstyles, etc. It was interesting to watch. As the show progressed, there was an issue that arose with a question of bias.

I’m not judging; I’m throwing this out there for discussion. It seems when we talk about a group that is in the minority or questioned by society, we whisper. In my book, I talk about educating ourselves, learning about racial, cultural, religious, and other groups so that we don’t have to whisper; and can feel comfortable with one another.

Education is the key! I suggest reading, talking to friends of different backgrounds, cultures, beliefs, etc rather than having to make assumptions or be fearful or questioning. Staying in the DARK breeds fear; fear breeds hate. Hating hate groups only perpetuates the cycle.

I felt inspired to write this when I hear and saw hate being spewed over the internet. Education and Awareness are the keys! Stop the ignorance and the hate; become aware and educated and share LOVE and UNDERSTANDING.

Thank you for allowing me to share. Again, my intent is to prompt awareness and promote healthy discussion. I wish blessings of peace, love and awareness to the world!

May we all reach the point of being in AWE of it ALL!

Motivational-Inspirational Speaker, Writer and Author
Helen Marie Szollosy
Live Life! Laugh Often!
Live life in amazement, be in Awe of it All!
www.lafolot.com

Little Angels from 1964 to 2009! With a special message! (written on January 17, 2009)
Well… here’s an interesting one! Angels come in all shapes, sizes and colors…

I sent in my final version of my book “Life is a Song – int the key of Love” (subtitled: Growing up with the embarrassment of prejudice) and ordered the final proof copy.

The dedication in the front of the book is to: “the little black boy who was so adventurous as to wonder out of his ‘racially defined’ neighborhood to walk down to the alley behind my Front St home in Steelton – back in 1964. He had a snotty nose, ashy skin, but a big, fearless, adventurous soul (just like mine)! He went on his journey from 5th and 6th streets – only to have white-folks in my neighborhood screaming and yelling at him or they were going to call the cops. It was the time when JFK and MLK were fighting for equal rights, etc. – a lot of tension. I never forgot that image, standing at the gate at the end of my yard. It was so confusing.

Well, I didn’t feel like eating dinner this evening, but something told me to go out to eat. When I arrived at the restaurant, the Dollar Tree – bargain eyeglass-chain holder I had purchased broke. No problem, I just drove up to the dollar tree on my way home – Carlisle Pike.

I was one aisle over from the toy aisle. I had to smile, I could hear a young voice, trying to sound tough – saying some kind of ‘Boy From the Hood’ phrase (the kid was trying to sound tough) – can’t remember what it was. As I was heading out of my aisle, towards the back of the store, an African American woman was going by with her cart. I figured the voice must have belonged to her child. I didn’t think anything of it and kept walking around the back of the store, away from the toy aisle.

Well, I don’t know what made me turn around, after I had passed a few aisles, but – I did –
and, there he was – a little African American boy – with a snotty nose, trying to get my attention – aiming a plastic pistol/gun at me. His younger brother was also snotty nosed and toting a pistol (kids and cold season, plus touch kids don’t use tissues, you know!) – pointing it at me and pretending to shoot. He also had a bright red, plastic car – almost as big as he was!

So, not wanting to miss out on the fun – I assumed the Spider Man – web shooting position and shot some spider webs at them. Then, I said, hey, wait a minute. You don’t want to shoot people – you know what I do? They looked at me – I said –
I shoot smiles at people!
I like to see how many people I can get to smile back at me!

They put their guns away and the younger boy dropped the red car – due to its size.
I said – “OH NO! Auto Accident! and made a siren noise.”

Their mother called them and I had to stop playing. ;o)

I ran into them, again, at the front of the store. This time, I gave the older boy a smile – he still had the snot coming out of his nose- and, what did he do?

HE SMILED BACK AT ME! (without the gun)

I said, OH! I KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GOING TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP, A STATE TROOPER! I said, ‘DO YOU KNOW WHERE I WORK?’ He was bright, he said – a police officer? I said, at the State Police! I said, YOU COULD HELP AND PROTECT PEOPLE instead of shooting them! He said, ‘SIT DOWN AND TALK WITH THEM?’

I said YES! You could say stuff like, ‘Hey, why did you do that?’ ahahaha (not very creative – but, I tried)

I said, WOW! I bet you’re going to make a great police officer and help a lot of people! He nodded.

Then, we parted ways.

When I got to my car – I thought – OH MY GOD! I was inspired to write my book because of a brave little, snotty nosed, ashy skinned, black boy- walking past the gate at the end of my yard, in 1964 – and, THEN
all these years later….
when I finish the book –

I run into another little, snotty nosed, brave, bright, African-American boy – as if to say –

I’m the other book end to put parantheses around what inspired your life!

I’m glad, THIS TIME, instead of him being yelled at to ‘go back to his ‘racially defined neighborhood’ – he encountered a person encouraging him to BE ALL HE CAN BE, without fear – OH, AND WITH A SMILE!

I’d like to think the little boy from 1964 and the little boy from 2009 were both little angels sent to inspire me…

Highlighted Helen living BOLD and in ITALICS!

I’m very thrilled that my self-published book: Life is a Song in the Key of Love OR Growing Up With the Embarrassment of Prejudice is finding a home with souls who have been drawn to it.

It was quite a journey, reaching the point of self-publishing the book in 2009.
It started with the idea popping into my head in 1998 at a New Year’s week, yearly planning workshop. The title: Growing Up With the Embarrasssment of Prejudice popped into my head and started to inspire and marinate.

I immediately began to write notes and be inspired by quotes from different media – all applying to my book.
It was inspired by my personal life experience of growing up in a small Steel Town in Pennsylvania, in the early 1960′s.
Being 3rd generation Hungarian, I dealt with cultural bias, as well as experienced social bias as well as viewed racial bias.

This inspired me to write an Autobigraphical/Philosophical discussion on my early life experiences as a child, with bias, stereotype and racism. I saw all this from a point of view where the adults around me didn’t FEEL the bias, stereotypes and racism, but acted on what they had INHERITED from their ancestors.

I wasn’t able to write the book till I discovered the song: Life is A Song by Fred Ahlert from the 1930s. There was a key line in the song: Let’s take our hearts and dip them in rhyme. I was so inspired by the song and its beauty, I sang it an an INTERFAITH service, and watched at the attendees from all faiths, sat there listening, some with their eyes closed, taking in the beautiful words.

That was when I realized, I could NOW write my book, but from a gentle perspective of comparing social, cultural and racial bias to the way sheet music produces such a beautiful sound, even though – to the untrained eye – it looks like a mess of lines, dots, swirles, etc.

If sheetmusic could be so diverse and produce such a beautiful sound, why couldn’t we with all our diversity?

I’m adding this to my blog in hopes of bringing awareness to my self-published book, which is available on lulu.com as well as my own website: www.lafolot.com. It’s also available on the internet via Amazon and other online book sales.

If this topic speaks to you, I invite you to take a dive into my book, and allow it to open your mind and open you and others to discussions on your own life experiences and questions relating to social, cultural and racial bias – and look at how to MAKE LIFE A SONG!

Helen of Lafolot
Motivating and Inspiring Others
Have a beautiful day!